at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
