Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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