the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
