I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
