we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
