he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize