the day after is always just damage control
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
