dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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