I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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