This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize