I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
