i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
