He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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