He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
