i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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