porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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