um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
