remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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