I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just invented taco cereal.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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