Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In America we eat man semen.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize