Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
