Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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