it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize