they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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