i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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