During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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