people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
