You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
