she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
