So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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