why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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