I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
