is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
