the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
