When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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