you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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