I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize