I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize