'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
