Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
