it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
