i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize