I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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