my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
the raccoons are back...
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