are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
