we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
