Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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