how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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