Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize