How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
