tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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