And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
