I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
