So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What a dumb baby whore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
