Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
