haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
