I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
