I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
