Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
