I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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