the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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