Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Small penises have feelings too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
