Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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