Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
